Orrible โ€˜lil Baby #3 Family+1

IMG_4264I’ve been meaning to write this post for a couple of weeks, but stuff got in the way… Rum, being drink, curry, work, more rum, the FSM, and possibly #BRExit…

This is Theo John – aka Orrible ‘lil Baby #3 (Grandson), born on the 16th June, slightly premature.

Wonder what he’ll think of today, in 20 years time?

Anyhow, following on – this means a few things…

  1. Added onto the sentence of the first two, this means a double dose of baby-crap lying around – we already have two high-chairs!
  2. Triple grandma mode for my wife!
  3. Yet more wallet pain, I swear the next time I use a ATM, the thing is going to shout “Clear!”, and shock my card back to life.
  4. I’m old, OK, not that old, as the original childs were gained via marriage; still #antique!
  5. My sister going to be standing in loco parentis… I gather she screamed a little [sic] when being told of the news.
  6. Another child who I’m going to be teaching to cook properly, without the aid of pre-cooked crud in tins! (Points at his mother… “But I added something else!” – yers)…
  7. Me wondering if this is going to be the last one, and if I’m going to see any great-grandchildren in around 25 years from now, if my dicky-ticker is still ticking…

Orrible ‘lil Baby #2 Family+1

imageThis is Chloe May aka Orrible ‘lil Baby #2 (Granddaughter), born yesterday 06/06/2016 at around 15:30 GMT.

The birth means a few things…

  1. Another 2 years of baby goop and crap lying around (After the first two years, baby turn more human, less goop).
  2. My wife been drawn into baby-grandma mode for another 2 years.
  3. Me having to comfort and soothe my wallet, this is an extension on the already going 30 year term for the first grandchild.
  4. Makes me feel like an antique.
  5. My sister going in to full-on-goo-gah mode when she next visits and sees Chloe for the first time.
  6. More children who I’m going to be teaching to cook properly!
  7. I’m going to need more rum…

That is all – further updates to follow… And don’t for a moment be going all goo-gah over the photo… Orrible ‘lil Baby!

A good night!

imageYou can tell it was a good night… If the debris left hanging around includes a scene like this…

Handcuffs are interesting things to have around drunk people… Some people can’t resist putting them on… Now I’m not saying specifically I’m one of them… Never ๐Ÿ˜‰

… And just to clarify – I wasn’t the only one cuffed last night – but I’m too much of a nice Spabbit to name names, Giggles…

IMG_3212The other carnage included a pile of empty drinks cans and bottles which make the family look like hard core alcos! I have other photos which confirm my vague memories of keeling over on the couch, snoozing from around midnight until whenever I half-woke and crawled into bed! Breakfast was a full fried affair with an added fuckton of ibuprofen on the side; couldn’t be made until I’d cleaned up the carnage – and that was painful!

It’s an amusing fact, to me at least, that my wife can still drink me under the table!

I’ve never drinking again… Until the next time! ๐Ÿ™‚

Male child inc…

PeaWith reference to “All the Answers“, today was the daughter’s baby-scan day, the day we found out about the sex of the future human.ย  Male.ย  A sizeable wang, or so I’m told, for a tiny human.ย  At the moment, it’s still a non-sef-concious blob – babies don’t become self aware by accepted scientific standards until about birth + 18 months.ย  Meh.

Lost a bet with my wife (Who is now exhibiting “smug” at world-championship levels)… the tiny fucker now owes me ยฃ12 for a take-out (A bet, lost), for not being a girl!

The name chosen is “Theo John”.ย  At this point in time, I’m really glad my surname isn’t “Hooker” for those who remember William Shatner in blue ๐Ÿ˜‰

And so, all hail the continuation of the race, all be it, a tiny continuation.

Holiday and the sister.

As the previous, more public post has mentioned, this is the holiday, the last one of the holiday year, the first one of this actual year.ย  The primary reason for the holiday: My Wife’s Birthday – happy Birthday!

Anyhow, my sister is visiting.ย  Always a trigger for some carnage, and after the hard core diet of last week (Less than 1,000 calories a day and lots of the exercise), I’m diving head first into the debauchery with no small amount of lust and desire ๐Ÿ™‚

It has been a great time, only slightly shadowed by the fucking-parents being their usual arsehole selves…ย  Dad got mega drunk, then started to slag people off, wrong move…ย  Mavis… well she just started to slag people off left right and centre… Talk about fucking glass houses.ย  Also thanks to Dad forgetting his glasses in my car, I had to drive three fucking hours back and fore to their house, located in the middle of buttfucknowhere.

Moving on – So far there has been food * lots, and even more drink.ย  I think she’s done around 20 cans of cider, my wife around five bottles of wine, and my self, well… around a litre and a half of white rum!ย  (Mind, as a Pastafarian, it is my duty and obligation to drink Rum… Arghhhhh!)

Anyhow, here are a few pics, pre-carnage that is ๐Ÿ™‚

(Excuse this one, it has the fucking-parents in it, Dad was well on his way to fucking-drunk at this point in time)…

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Myself and Tina, posing for the camera (A rare occasion)

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And finally, Tina, on the phone to the boys ๐Ÿ™‚ (In this one you can see some of the evidence… and OK,, there might be a little carnage in this shot)

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All the answers?

Just turned 42. Should I have all the answers to Life, The Universe, and everything? I think so.

I didn’t work. I still don’t have the answers, only more questions, mind, are the questions also the answers? Is the cat in the box alive or dead? Don’t peek ๐Ÿ˜‰

This year end has been slightly less depressing than usual, perhaps because I was largely able to sulk in my own special way on my birthday, meaning that the following day, in comparison, seemed a shitload better.

  • This is the first year in the last nine where I’ve not been “at risk” of redundancy.
  • First year of having eight cats. Cute, but painful in the amount of upkeep and food etc!
  • Babies. Two more on the way from the daughter and daughter in law. Fuck. Babies. Ick.
  • New Car. Still shiny. Well, needs a wash, but still SHINY.
  • Lost around 5 stone / 70 lbs / 31 kg. Not yet skinny. Health normal though ๐Ÿ™‚
  • Maintained the efforts in work. Hopefully to be translated into a phat bonus for my western consumerist arse.
  • Now have a sister. Well, step sister. Always had one, but due to interfering arseholes, I didn’t before.
  • Cooking is still 50% art, 50% skill, and 50% science. 150% you say? You’ve probably not tasted it ๐Ÿ˜‰

More to come when the fingers feel like it ๐Ÿ™‚

Some pictures!

Some pictures from recent times ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy new… bah humbug?
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Sheldon and The Beer Glass (This Bad-Boy holds ONE LITRE, with room for the head)… A couple of these and things start to blur… Couldn’t resist it, only a fiver from Lidl
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The still-new Southern Comfort glass – it’s the perfect drinking vessel for Southern Comfort (Or the cheap-arse Spirit of Louisiana from Tesco). I’ve recently started drinking the cheap-arse version mixed with cloudy lemonade, a very moreish taste!
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The Peanut, wearing the hat knitted by my very talented Wife ๐Ÿ™‚
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The Sheldon, doing what The Sheldon does best!
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Zonko The Magnificent, first in Matrix-Kitten Mode, then slightly more grown up ๐Ÿ™‚
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Memories of Last Summer… Firstly Caswell Bay, then from one of last year’s BBQs, lastly an image of the best ice-cream in the known Spabbitverse!
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