Ageing Kinkster Problems

BDSM SymbolIt’s well known that as a society, we’re becoming more sexually progressive – more and more those people traditionally into their vanilla sex lives are looking to add some spice by trying BDSM, in-fact, it’s almost mainstream these days! Now, my (slightly) twisted mind takes that idea, and thinks immediately (as anyone would, right?) of the population hitting old age, and what happens to the kinksters when the senior years hit home!

Perhaps you can think of some more lines to add to the list!

Sooo… BDSM & Signs of getting older:

  • Using leather bondage cuffs for wrist supports
  • Wishing you had a rack in your play space – for health reasons
  • Missing your leather collar because your neck gets too cold
  • You don’t mind the beating, but you’d like something padded to kneel on
  • Ball-gags have to be soft as otherwise your dentures might be damaged
  • You can’t be locked up all night, as you need 4 toilet breaks!
  • You need a full quilt in the cage, not just a blanket
  • A Zimmer frame is also doubles as a bondage frame
  • You want to be chained to the bed, as it’ll help you catch up on sleep
  • Viagra is required for a function check
  • Your session music comes from the 60’s
  • Your mistress has to wear flats as she can’t do heels any more
  • You’re running out of hair for your top to pull
  • You get more strokes of the cane because your top forgot to install fresh hearing aid batteries
  • Electro-play helps give you that essential boost for the day
  • A trampling helps with your back pain rather than excite anything
  • You need glasses on to find the handcuffs keyholes
  • The doors must be locked otherwise the grand-kids might discover you’re not as innocent as they think
  • Vibrators need to be industrial strength
  • Nipple clamps don’t work any more due to excess skin
  • A butt-plug means you don’t have to worry for a while
  • You don’t mind being handcuffed and chained, so long as the chains are warmed up first
  • Cable-Ties are more for DIY than Bondage

A good night!

imageYou can tell it was a good night… If the debris left hanging around includes a scene like this…

Handcuffs are interesting things to have around drunk people… Some people can’t resist putting them on… Now I’m not saying specifically I’m one of them… Never 😉

… And just to clarify – I wasn’t the only one cuffed last night – but I’m too much of a nice Spabbit to name names, Giggles…

IMG_3212The other carnage included a pile of empty drinks cans and bottles which make the family look like hard core alcos! I have other photos which confirm my vague memories of keeling over on the couch, snoozing from around midnight until whenever I half-woke and crawled into bed! Breakfast was a full fried affair with an added fuckton of ibuprofen on the side; couldn’t be made until I’d cleaned up the carnage – and that was painful!

It’s an amusing fact, to me at least, that my wife can still drink me under the table!

I’ve never drinking again… Until the next time! 🙂